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April 1, 2006

Flora & Fauna For Fools

Ahh, April Fool's Day, a favorite of pranksters and children alike. I cannot tell you how upset I was to find that Desktop USB Fondue Set was vaporware.

I thought this year, instead of tricking you, I'd share some nature-related April Fool's hoaxes throughout history. Some of these are beyond anything reasonable, but others are amusing in that they may actually come true some day. Either way, I hope you enjoy!

A Vermonter's Nightmare: The Exploding Maple Trees (2005)
NPR's All Things Considered followed how the declining maple syrup industry of the North East had lead to untapped maples exploding from an excess of sap. They had a great interview with a farmer and Vermonters got a good laugh at the nation's expense. As a former Norwich, VT, resident myself, I found it all greatly amusing. You can listen to it here.

Hotheaded Naked Ice Borer (1995)
Discover Magazine reported on a new Antarctic species called the Hotheaded Naked Ice Borer. A bony growth on its head, fed by blood vessels, allowed the animal to melt holes in the ice in order to hunt for prey, like penguins. Supposedly, the magazine received more mail about this article than any other in their history.

Mountus Eruptus: Mount Edgecumbe (1974)
The residents of Sitka, Alaska were used to living along the Ring of Fire, but they had been under the impression that their particular volcano, Mount Edgecumbe, was a dormant one. However chaos ensued when they woke up to black smoke billowing from it's cone. The town clown, a Mr. Porky Bickar, was later found burning tires up on the summit.

Tender But Juicy: Whistling Carrots (2002)
Tesco, a Brit supermarket, published an advert for the genetically enhanced whistling carrot. The carrots had natural airholes, which caused the veggie to whistle when they were properly cooked.

Swarms and Swarms of Em! (1949 & 1994)
No one likes bug storms, after all. Back in 1949, a New Zealand DJ announced that a huge mile-wide swarm of wasps was approaching. He urged listeners to protect themselves by wearing their socks over their trousers to leave honey traps outside their doors. Hundreds of people dutifully heeded his advice. About 45 years later, in 1994, Arizona residents woke to find bright fliers posted around town warning of "Operation Killer Bees" and the aerial spraying later that day to eradicate a killer bee population. On the bottom of the flier the name of the sponsoring agency: Arizona Pest Removal Information Line (For Outside Operations Listings), the acronym being "April Fool", but few people noticed.

The Michigan Freshwater Shark Experiment (1981)
The Herald News reported that a government study of fresh-water sharks was underway in three nearby lakes. Two thousand sharks, including blues, hammerheads and a few great whites, had been released into the lakes for the study despite safety concerns of local public officials.The fish were also to be protected, and fishermen could not catch them.

Don't Disturb the Squirrels (1993)
A German radio station Westdeutsche Rundfunk (WDR), Europe’s biggest broadcaster, reported that Cologne passed a new city regulation requiring park joggers to run no faster than 6 mph in order to avoid disturbing the mating squirrels.

Tasmanian Mock Walrus or TMW (1984)
Floridian pet owners were featured in the Orlando Sentinel hoax about the Tasmanian Mock Walrus, TMW for short. The cute little four inch long mini-walrus purred like a cat and had the cuddly temperment of a hamster. Even better, it was easily house-trainable and liked to eat cockroaches - a serious problem in Florida. The clincher was that while several TMW's had been smuggled into the country, local exterminators were pressuring the government not to allow the animal for fear of losing profits. This caused quite a few people to search out their own TMW before it was too late. The picture was actually that of a naked mole rat.

Surrogate Mother Elephants for Woolly Mammoths (1984)
The Technology Review reported the efforts of some Soviet scientists attempting to bring back the woolly mammoth from the ice age by inserting its DNA into elephant cells. The cells were then placed in elephant mothers. Interestingly, this might actually happen someday, since according to the February 9th, 2006 edition of Nature, the complete mitochondrial genome sequence of Mammuthus primagenius has been determined.

White Lions Need Washing More Often (1860)
In late March, Londoners began receiving invitations to view the annual washing of the White Lions at the Tower of London. In centuries past, the Tower had housed the Royal Menagerie. The crowd gathered at the White Gate at the appropriate time, but nothing ever happened and so people slunk away. This particular joke was a long-standing one often played on unsuspecting visitors to the cit, even so far back as the late 1600's!

Dino-Dragons: Smaugia Volans (1998)
Nature Magazine reported the discovery of "a near-complete skeleton of a theropod dinosaur in North Dakota." The newly discovered dinosaur, aptly named Smaugia volans, was special because researchers believed the dinosaur could have flown. Smaug was the name of the dragon in JJR Tolkein's The Hobbit.

PETA's Tournament of Sleeping Fish (2000)
Even the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) has a sense of humor. PETA warned that would sabotage the bass fishing tournament in East Texas's Lake Palestine by putting tranquilizers in the lake before event, thus putting the fish to sleep.In their words, "this year, the fish will be napping, not nibbling." The feds took this threat seriously and dispatched a number of rangers to guard the fishes.

And Going and Going: Viagra for Hamsters (2000)
The Independent reported that a Viagra-like pill called Feralmone had been designed to treat sexually frustrated pets, including hamsters, since there are few things as sad as a pet suffering from feelings of sexual inadequacy sitting idly in its cage. Hamster owners were instructed to sprinkle the drug into pet food and also advised them to lay down some newsprint on the floor of the cage for once the pills began to take effect.

You can read about quite a few of these hoaxes and others at the Museum of Hoaxes: The Top 100 April Fools Day Hoaxes of All Time.

Posted by sorsha at April 1, 2006 9:12 PM